fort funston

the afternoon sun took the very last memories that were meant to liberate themselves from within.

my eyes basked at its brilliance as the minutes slowly sank its fading light into the amber horizon.  i was sitting on a huge abandoned battery facing the open sea; briskly staring at two great sources of eternity: the pacific ocean and the endless sky.   i felt my eyelids establish an intimate relationship with the sunset, languorously shutting themselves down with the rays’ gradual descent.  with vision slowly fading, i suddenly remembered opportunities foregone, relationships broken, times wasted, moments that could have been revered had i chosen a different path.  but then i almost failed to remember that i would not be the person i am right now had i not chosen the battles that led to such unforeseen personal fulfillment. 

with nothing but warm light penetrating through semi-darkness, i could hear the mesmerizing surge of the waves making their way through my ears.  the gushing sound of nature that had called out for me back then finally revealed itself through sand and saltwater.  the voices of summer breeze asked me to listen from within; and so i did, eventually hearing my own hearbeat amongst all other elements.  their unsung words drew traces around my weary face as my mind raced hurriedly to different phases of every significant moment.

there were those times when you felt your heart got pierced by a stake.  one huge stake that took out almost the entire portion of the only life that you were living for, and uncanningly, the heavy feeling wouldn’t go away.  and the burden of it all was you had to carry it everyday, moving from one place to another, carrying the cross that you thought you wouldn’t have.  i had that feeling.  my mind kept roaming around from place to place, from the cold winters in the east coast to the humid rains of pacific timezones.  it roamed, finding the right moments that need to be reminisced and soon forgotten.  and after years of finally exhuming the bones of the past and feeling sorry for them, i felt numb.  not because it was over, not because a tear fell out of my eye during those very moments. but because nothing actually came out of it. 

i was ok there for a second.   nothingness… then i suddenly felt light. 

every ray of light engulfed the last piece of pity my heart could take for the past couple years.  i had finally forgiven everything wrong that had happened.  i have come to a realization that i am what i am because of the result of my past thoughts.  and i came out to be ok, and pretty accomplished by most people’s standards.

i finally opened my eyes to the sound of the rainstorm.  the people walking their dogs along the sandy beaches were gone, and so were those who flew their hang gliders.  the setting is dark and cold, so it’s time for me to lay myself to slumber.  the city lights of the east coast will soon call out to me.  the entire place will be lit up with excitement as i drown myself into another phase of self-actualization and realization.  but i swear that over a year from now, i will be doing what i had just written down this very moment when i come back to live in cali for good once again.

i don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom -george patton

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so much for deep thoughts, decipherme1. i tend to write longer (with a more tedious feel) with this type of writing.  back to the snippets  :p  

i’m gonna send him to outer space, to find another race.

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