fort funston

the afternoon sun took the very last memories that were meant to liberate themselves from within.

funstons1

my eyes basked at its brilliance as the minutes slowly sank its fading light into the amber horizon.  i was sitting on a huge abandoned battery facing the open sea; briskly staring at two great sources of eternity: the pacific ocean and the endless sky.   i felt my eyelids establish an intimate relationship with the sunset, languorously shutting themselves down with the rays’ gradual descent.  with vision slowly fading, i suddenly remembered opportunities foregone, relationships broken, times wasted, moments that could have been revered had i chosen a different path.  but then i almost failed to remember that i would not be the person i am right now had i not chosen the battles that led to such unforeseen personal fulfillment. 

with nothing but warm light penetrating through semi-darkness, i could hear the mesmerizing surge of the waves making their way through my ears.  the gushing sound of nature that had called out for me back then finally revealed itself through sand and saltwater.  the voices of summer breeze asked me to listen from within; and so i did, eventually hearing my own hearbeat amongst all other elements.  their unsung words drew traces around my weary face as my mind raced hurriedly to different phases of every significant moment.

there were those times when you felt your heart got pierced by a stake.  one huge stake that took out almost the entire portion of the only life that you were living for, and uncanningly, the heavy feeling wouldn’t go away.  and the burden of it all was you had to carry it everyday, moving from one place to another, carrying the cross that you thought you wouldn’t have.  i had that feeling.  my mind kept roaming around from place to place, from the cold winters in the east coast to the humid rains of pacific timezones.  it roamed, finding the right moments that need to be reminisced and soon forgotten.  and after years of finally exhuming the bones of the past and feeling sorry for them, i felt numb.  not because it was over, not because a tear fell out of my eye during those very moments. but because nothing actually came out of it. 

i was ok there for a second.   nothingness… then i suddenly felt light. 

every ray of light engulfed the last piece of pity my heart could take for the past couple years.  i had finally forgiven everything wrong that had happened.  i have come to a realization that i am what i am because of the result of my past thoughts.  and i came out to be ok, and pretty accomplished by most people’s standards.

i finally opened my eyes to the sound of the rainstorm.  the people walking their dogs along the sandy beaches were gone, and so were those who flew their hang gliders.  the setting is dark and cold, so it’s time for me to lay myself to slumber.  the city lights of the east coast will soon call out to me.  the entire place will be lit up with excitement as i drown myself into another phase of self-actualization and realization.  but i swear that over a year from now, i will be doing what i had just written down this very moment when i come back to live in cali for good once again.

i don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom -george patton

……………………………………..

so much for deep thoughts, decipherme1. i tend to write longer (with a more tedious feel) with this type of writing.  back to the snippets  :p  

i’m gonna send him to outer space, to find another race.

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27 Comments on “fort funston”

  1. mooks_dayoo says:

    beautiful picture!”i don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom -george patton” i like this line a lot, i wanna see how high i can bounce.

  2. JennY71887 says:

    it rained today in southern california. it pierced the happiness of my day… so instead of dreading every moment of it, i decided to sleep for a good two hours. :)i often contemplate about the things that “went wrong” or the things that I could have changed in my past, but you’re right, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if the past never existed. Right now, I stress too much about my future (grades -> admissions to grad/professional schools -> career -> financial stability -> enjoyment in life). I need to live in the present instead of the future.p.s. that’s a nice quote that you have there. I never want to hit the bottom though.oh yeah, what’s the reason for moving back to CA?have a swell day =)

  3. love that pic!You are a good writer. Now I must move to Cali, you words seal the deal! lol

  4. decipherme1 says:

    indeed… it’s good that you know what to avoid to not fall back into your past. the analogy of your heart being pierced by a stake can’t get anymore accurate.. especially the part of having to carry it everyday; unbearable at the moment.
    hehe.. thanks for part 2. i think you should do this either weekly or biweekly. 🙂
    (p.s. ewwwwwwwww but why california?!?!?!?!?!?!!)

  5. “…sexy is my tainted soul; telling chapters of deafeat, hurt, and manipulation. No shame here for those chapters conclude to the story of my life… from which I’ve earned my place in the pedestal of my honor…”  from something i blogged a little while ago.
    so you’re a nomad… that’s interesting.
    i can only imagine what it’d be like to be a female in your life… what words, turned to phrases, leading to sentences would you scratch on paper from that itchy mind of yours? probably something extremely soul shaking.

  6. wanarace101 says:

    love the entry.  perhaps i should gather my thoughts and write something meaningful.  and yes it’s a beautiful picture; wishing i was there at the moment.

  7. Anonymous says:

    you don’t have to be on drugs to randomly kiss people…

  8. mc2vh says:

    i think it’s b/c they’re all floating around by spam (forwards) email. eh. who knows. have a good one!

  9. KatZone says:

    that was so powerful. Nice entry! See you soon on the west coast.

  10. Lizbianish says:

    God, that’s a beautiful picture. It’s all melting snow and slush here in New York.

  11. decipherme1 says:

    rteck1245’s vignette compilation… i will be loooking forward to purchasing that book at barnes and nobles one day. 🙂

  12. Anonymous says:

    yup it’s hard but very well worth it!!  =)

  13. Empyre says:

    amen man. i’ll keep a seat warm for you here in cali! =) btw, in response to your write-up.. you ever lay on the ground and stare into the sky while seriously grasping how big space grows exponentially as you go up in any direction?it always makes me a little dizzy when i do.. great feeling, though.. kind of feels like you’re flying. my point is that the sky and space are quite literally beyond our perspective. i don’t know why more people don’t find that amazing enough to try harder getting there. i want to leave this world behind and go explore other ones. =(

  14. decipherme1 says:

    a good place to visit this time of the year… depends on your interests and whether or not youre a tourist. hehehe.. for the tourists, prague is only about 2 hours from here so that’s a good place… but the charles bridge has been overcrowded these days… the brewery if that fits your interest, the alps to go skiing,  oh and theres an aquarium nearby. haha.. this is bad.. i need to think of all the places im taking my friend when she comes to visit this summer! p.s. i know right… i like that song too. p.p.s. you should move to fl.. or co, or even out of country. 🙂

  15. Anonymous says:

    who is joanne?

  16. Anonymous says:

    Oh No!!!! this time I’m going with my girls lolz

  17. ryc: definitely. my ri friends will show you how to party like rock stars =)

  18. san jo??? are you asking if thats where i moved to??? cuz if you are…ur wrong! haha

  19. Anonymous says:

    nah, we’re not getting snowed in. ):apparently the best we’re getting tonight is snow flurries…
    the weather’s quite disappointing over here.

  20. oh i thought u were asking where i moved to…but yeah i went to D&B in milpitas..close to san jo…thats what u meant! haha

  21. if you read the post fully… he already did (:

  22. EternalLove says:

    nice picture.& lovely entry..

  23. ryc: bout 45 minutes

  24. tinafoo says:

    i hubby why¡H¡H

  25. tinafoo says:

    you are so strong>O<

  26. Anonymous says:

    am i supposed to know this person?


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