maybe i should write something.  been putting too much time on other things.

i was there.  wondering.

i was there when i noticed an older gentleman on the other lane, driving a luxury vehicle, tie hanging loose, and his other hand on the phone.  i kept wondering how he got to where he was at.  i exited off a ramp leading to a college town while the ferrari veered off to the other spur, heading toward the rich side of town.

i was there when i saw students coming out of a prominent university’s business school building.  they distinctly wore business casual from the rest of the crowd, all laughing, talking about what they just learned from a class.  i wondered what it took them to get to that level.

i was there when they fired a good percentage of employees at a company. those who survived in the management couldn’t even do it with a straight face.   the silent acquisition was announced in such a short-notice.  the company stock went up the next day, some of those who poured in sums of investments then created trust funds for tax-shelter purposes.  i wondered how long it took for everyone to realize this was going to happen.

i was there when a young man was od’ing outside the club, he had not even gotten inside when the paramedics tried to revive him, the event occured in the middle of a downtown street; passers-by and the rest of the crowd were looking by.  i wondered how much more addictive habits he had to break before he realized the stars above him would be the last he’d seen that evening.

i was there when my roommate graduated that sober day, happy that after fending of the naysayers around him did he finally finish his accounting degree.  he had been rehabilitated 3 times and everyone thought he wouldn’t make it.  but after endless nights of line-sniffing and cannabis-trodden room stink, he invited me to celebrate a superseded milestone with his family.  i didn’t make it, but wondered for days how he managed to fight off the 13-year old negativity.

i was there when a successful person was on stage, claiming the he only had $50 in his pocket when he flew out of state after graduating from high school, he left his corn-fed town to work as a maintenance person in a luxury golf course while the rest of his classmates pursued their degrees in universities.  20 years forward, he now makes $50-$100 million houses while speculating a non-existent market to appear after every completion of his project.  i wondered how his internal thinking led to the financial success that he has today.

i keep on wondering. i may not be there on any scene, but somehow the past experiences of my life were molded because of what i am today.  i would never have learned the skills that i currently use if not for those memories – positive or negative – that churned the very soul of my purpose every now and then.  resilience wouldn’t have been a trait if it weren’t for those hundreds of social and institutional rejections in the past.  entrepreneurship wouldn’t be in the vocabulary if it weren’t for the experience of failing and losing 2 businesses in the nick of time.  the hunger for success and resistance to financial loss wouldn’t be thriving if there were no experience of being broke.  a willingness to serve wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for the ills of our economy.  the daily, weekly, monthly, 5-year, and other long-term goals wouldn’t be internalized if i didn’t experience being a wandering generality, a soul without direction at one point in time.

ok, time to start packing again.  wifey’s already sleeping so i have to catch up.

still wondering.  what i currently am is what i thought and experienced in the past.


here’s some entertainment for now. i just can’t get enough of this.


geez, do i have months worth of unwritten ideas sitting in my head.


2 Comments on “”

  1. Barbs says:

    welcome back.  i guess u’ll be in cali too (for a bit?)  it’s weird–i often feel as you do. it’s all just moments in time really when you think about it.  but somehow, they make up ur life.

  2. TonyTovar says:

    Yeah, writing articles on tech ana. would be a bad idea either. I’ll write some. I’m also going to post some from people i think are great at that stuff. Will be up soon enough. Hey, do you think this could go somewhere? I think it could. I’m trying to find ways of spreading the word but i need people to ask question. so that I may fully answer them and stuff. I migh write stuff about religion or have something for religious people so they can interact through the forums.

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