“oh, she’s not here right now.”

while cooling down from running, i happened to rummage through my old wallet.  found all of these old phone numbers of friends who go waaay back in the day.  i decided to call them after taking a shower.  most of the numbers were outdated.  still, i kept on dialing the rest of the scribbled numbers.  then one ex whom i’m still cool with had her folks’ phone number working.  talked to her siblings at home and asked for her new cel number.  she must be busy. 

life’s  early lessons in a past relationship’s nutshell.

so what has she done to change my life?  she taught me how to budget and spend money as if it was valuable.  from then on i learned to value simplicity more than the intricate human upgrades.  i also learned to budget reasonably on every expense and now i can survive by myself despite sporadic financial struggles.  i respect my parents; they’ve done a lot for me.  but i think it’s about time that i feel the pressure and responsibility of supporting myself all the way. 

academically, she encouraged me to not just pass a class, but to ace it.  those were the past, like rome and greece.  but let’s see if i can relive them again. my dad told me that passing a course was good enough.  she, on the other hand, was an acer.  all of my aces boil down to her legacy.  gift-wise, she taught me to give presents as if i really didn’t want to give them away because i liked them too much.  now i’m having a hard time looking for gifts.  but they’re all worthwhile despite the price tag.  

she taught me to grab any opportunity no matter what.  i lost her because i decided to pursue my dreams.

yes, i must have lost her.  but she didn’t lose me.  the memories.  it’s been 4 years.  i had to move on, and i did.  we’re still friends… kinda.  she’s in med school, has a new man i think.  i’m happy for her.  i’m happy on where i am right now.  there are lots of struggles, and so much more to encounter.  i’m happy.  i’m satisfied.  i wonder if she’s ever visited her mom in nyc.  having very traditional chinese  parents, our relationship was in secret except for her siblings’ knowing.  now, it doesn’t seem like i’m hesitating to call her house even though her dad answers the phone.

“could you tell her that i called if i don’t get a hold of her?”

i guess i didn’t lose everything.

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