non a la guerre!  oui, a la paix!

‘missed the big rally in san francisco this morning.  this big protest and several other major ones held in cities around the world just go to show that the incumbent administration does not have the prerogative to initiate preemptive strike against iraq.  even the vatican is talking to saddam hussein about the ongoing situation.  they can superfluously incriminate the arab leader with terrorism and repugnant allegations; but i personally do not concur to war as a justification.  so i missed this one today, but i’m saving my energy for the assembly at capitol tomorrow regarding state budget cuts, especially the proposal with school funding.

i finished the last pork bbq and wanted to linger.  gotta read again.   working out and running earlier this morning just made me so hungry that i decided to treat myself to another regimen deviation.  at least the laundry’s done and i don’t have to worry about it later on.  going to newman tonight.  i haven’t been there in a while after attending at various places in the bay.  this should be a refreshing experience.

yesterday wasn’t bad.  after running and working out i decided to chill for a bit.  a homee’s ex called and asked me if i could go with her to see her ex march at the chinese parade in sf.  i totally forgot about the event.  i hurried up to the shower and met her at starbuck’s in emeryville.  just caught up with what’s going on between us while i drove to the city.  told her that i’ve been busy with a lot of stuff and explained my rationale for seceding to her ex’s singing group.  i knew she was acting dumb because she somehow found out that her ex’s sister and i went out.  i played the game and tried to fish out for some information.  her credence of my story concluded my issue.  i did not want to reveal the relationship until i hear it from my japanese ex.  it somehow started out in cohorts, her mom and brother not knowing that we went out right after singing practice. 

i haven’t heard from her right after that last phone conversation.  after a stormy argument that one rainy san francisco evening, i told her that we should only be friends.  i knew she was not over with her ex yet.  her impartial affection provoked an emotional larceny on my behalf. 

“so it’s all over now?”  she asked me while i kept silent on her car’s passenger seat.


“and just like that?  that fast?”


i really did like her.  she was my type.  but somehow i knew we weren’t going to last that long.  she knew the game very well and had the plausible disaster of dragging gentlemen out of their wits.  i cannot adhere to that.  my comity of mind game had to absorb her fake clamor of brining us back together.  it took me a while to get over her.  i guess for some reason i’ve lost something inside of me that i thought i could share with her longer than i thought.  but it’s all over now.  all i see are burnt imaginary writs of frisked toleration.  i kept on confessing to a homegirl in class about what just happened that season while she kept her tenacious flirting.  all is well now.  i’m like a lonely man in a cold, isolated prairie of alaska trying to search and recuperate my inner self for another better challenge.

we were all soaked from the parade.  i felt sorry for those people marching without rain gear.  we were all starving right after so i decided to stay over and eat the pot stickers the ex’s mom made.  caught up with the times again.  i was not going back to that same relationship again.  i never was.  her daughter is moving down to l.a. by fall.  i said i felt happy for her.  i knew they know what i was talking about.  it sounded like i knew her more than they thought they didn’t.  that moment caught me after incessant ponderings while driving back to berkeley that night.  i decided not to go to ten15 with my chinese roommate.  he said deep dish was spinning.  i just have so much in my hands this weekend.  another weekend is another good friend’s huge formal celebration.  saturday’s transition encompassed late studying till the wee hours of sunday.

“what did you do on valentine’s?” my homegirl asked me while i took a sip from her caramel frap.

“i just chilled by myself.” 

nothing special really.  my mom told me they were going out with my younger sisters.  did not sound like a good idea because the restaurants would surely be packed that evening.  all i did was thanked the Boss for making me reach this point of my life.  and they said there was nobody left to love.  i knew i still had one.

when would i be able to perform “everlong” again?

and it’s this burning, like there’s always been. i’ve never been so alone, and i’ve never been so alive – third eye blind, motorcycle drive by


One Comment on “”

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