i’ve never had such a good sleep.  i slept the entire evening after having dinner at my parents’ place.  i hope they liked the dvd’s that i brought as christmas gifts to them.  i knew my brother was pretty interested in war movies so i bought him the band of brothers collection.  story was nice.  you could just never imagine how a war can affect one’s life right after.  as usual, my mom cooked salmon.  i didn’t get to finish it.  my parents used to know me as a never-ending eating machine.  i guess those days are over now.  i can’t eat that much like i used to eat before.  i’m not talking about gluttony here although i just remembered that i would never gain a single weight for the past 10 years.  the very active days are over.  every fat is dissolved either by too much stress or less eating. 

it’s still 4am and i’m awake.  i was supposed to go back to berkeley last night but i just couldn’t resist sleeping right after dinner.  yeah, a fat tub of lard that i am.  i guess i lost the cuts and ripples on my muscles after i stopped working out and concentrated on school, work, other sports, music-playing and volunteer work. i just miss the whole 8 hours of sleep.  i just slept 3 hours last night just to study and my brain is just so fried from all the months’ aggregate stress that inflicted my health and lifestyle so bad.  i needed a break.  and i will get it in a week of relaxation soon enough.  then the cycle goes back again next semester. 

don’t get me wrong, but i liked all of my courses.  i can say that i’ve learned a lot from them and that there are quite a few that i’ve even had applications in real life, just like the other ones from the past semesters.  the rest of the trivial yet informative ideas went into the subconscious that in the meantime i could have them stay there until certain stimuli will pull them out at an opportune time.

i’m going to los altos an hour and a half from now.  i didn’t want to miss this.  that peaceful chapel up on the hills has given me so much inner peace that my prayers have never been so serenely powerful and strong in faith.  the drive’s worth it. 

it’s faith that keeps me moving despite all of life’s tribulation.  sometimes i just have to look outside of where i’m at and keep on telling myself that everything is just a test.  i keep on looking back to those other past tests that i’ve encountered and endured.  now where were those people who tried to put me down?  they’re all gone.  history.  and where am i heading now?  i’m heading to that same road to my foremost goal.  haters come and go.  it’s an acceptable fact that i should always remember.  just like love. 

people come and go.  i cannot help stopping the lady whom i cared the most to leave me if she wants to.  i did break hearts in the past.  but my heart was torn apart a million times with the same ordeal.  nevertheless, it made me stronger after months of scrounging my heart’s broken pieces from the ground.  i’m strong enough now, but i promised myself not to break anyone’s heart as much as i can again.  i’ve learned so much in this life.  i’ve used and been abused.  i’ve loved and been rejected.  i’ve made others cry and shed the tears myself.  but yes, i’m the same me to this day on. 

only that i keep on getting stronger each day…


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